Calling man of the Earth

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Adam, the first human name, means “of the earth.”

For a the sons of Adam:

For those who are ashamed of being earth,
For those who love being earth too much,
For those who possess none of the earth,
For those who possess too much of it,

For those who need to know they are earth,
And try to flee to heaven out of shame,
Doubting the garden that they already have,
Abandoning the garden that they already are,

By Richard Rohr, Adam’s Return

🎶Let your love song sing🎶

I listened and I remembered how that song held me in a time when I needed to be held and only those words could have spoken to the injured me. Only that rhythm could have moved me to the sway of my sorrow. Only that rise and fall could have guided the roller coaster of my emotions to a safe release. Only that tempo could have equaled the pulse of my anxious crumbling hope. It was a mystical set up. In a moment of distress a song nursed my bruised quest for purpose and meaning. In a moment of poverty, a song proposed a liberating economy and raised me from dust to glory. My life has been a surfing on sound waves and on top of crescendoing crests I have found electrifying surges that awakened love in me again and again.

Many instrumental notes have married falling words from human lips. This marriage called song has conceived and brought into bloom comforting memories and healing remedies. The narrative of our individual and communal lives have often been punctuated by lyrical speech. Warriors marched into war to rhythmic shouts of acclamation and we sang an ode to the lost and fallen hero. We rocked new life to a humming, wrapped in a few words and as our child slept, the humming, the rocking, the punctuated kisses and the rhythm reached a World of dreams and inspired a neurological plasticity, which makes Song so vital to our story of life. Maybe that’s why we are often lost in awe of those who strum our pain with their fingers, croon our unspoken secrets and below our deafening screams. Maybe that’s why we often find our counsellor on MTV and our pill in an ipod or the radio. Maybe that’s why she sang, “Last night a DJ saved my life from a broken a heart.”

So then what is humanity but a chorus and what is self but a soloist. What is culture but a merging of vocals each freely expressing the self they know. What is society but a choreography of where monologue becomes dialogue. That is why in each dawn, there is a master conductor perched outside your window, reminding you to sing your song. Nature serenades to you, hoping you will hear and join the duet. All that is living longs for the outpouring of your characteristic composition. We long for your voice.

Let your love song sing. It may be a whisper but a whisper can carry the wind across Earth’s sphere. In song, even a whisper carries a scream. Serve us like the bird serves the dawn. Remind us that we are all an unfolding story full of melody. Let your love song sing, peeling off the layers of fear that leave many shrouded in darkness because perfect love casts out fear. Let your life song usher a new dawn, let it be a light through which we see all that is good in humanity. Let your loving life song sing!

If you can’t do great things, Mother Teresa used to say, do little things with great love. If you can’t do them with great love, do them with a little love. If you can’t do them with a little love, do them anyway. Love grows when people serve.’ John Ortberg

Love is a word

If you think about it, love is just a word. It matters only because of what we choose to attach to it. It is that decision to place value on it which leaves us feeling deprived, depraved, denied or destined for good things. The saddest thing is when we assume that we have found this thing called love and we place our heart at the feet of the beloved, only to have them walk away without a care. Suddenly, the young teen heart wants nothing but to stop beating and even though we know, this life is not a Romeo and Juliet scene, it’s shocking how many young lives quit on life because they thought they found and too suddenly lost a great love.

A young life told me yesterday that they were ready to die. Their beloved had wounded them deeply and alcohol had not numbed the pain nor had it detoxed the poison of misery that suffocated him. My heart broke for this young Romeo because he was ready to die for what was nothing close to love. Yes love may be just a word. But this word has evolved for thousands of years to help humanity express a powerful motion that is not just an emotion.

Love is not the absence of hate, it is the choice to veto that aching anger and take up the torch of peace for a course that will outlive us. Love is not a fleeting, hormonal driven, neurological buzz, it is much more than pulses and circuits, it is a honed Will. Love is a focused controlled power, it zeros in on its target and gives and gives and gives again. But it doesn’t give bullets but kindness. Where it ought to inflict vengeance, it vindicates and liberates. Love is not moved by anything the beloved does, love makes its own moves and dances to a song played by cosmic instruments. Love is an offering which only blooms at the altar of sacrifice. Yes, there is a loosing in loving but the inevitable harvest covers all pining loss. Love’s produce may take a while to fruit but it shall surely come and its spring is more than all of Earth’s seasons for even Earth bows to love. Earth pays homage to love for honour is love’s due and love’s portion.

So when the young Romeo was broken over rejection, I knew it was time for me to introduce him to love. So this is the song I sang the young Romeo…..🎶

🎶To be continued 🎶

Do you really love?

Dear Wife and Husband,

I have read your words and listened to all your pain poured out on paper. Though it has been a very short time since you both said, ‘I do’, I am not surprised that troubles have already lined up at your door. Living with family has drama but living with a man or woman, who was once a stranger, is taking drama to another level. After seeing heaven in the eyes of your beloved, it is a shock to the system to wake up to the rude reality that they are human and you are both still on Earth. When you thought of your spouse as a dream, it was all in your head and though you shared those dreams you didn’t really have the same image in mind. Husband your image had straight lines and Wife yours had a fibrous, root like pattern. Husband you thought of goals and accomplishments. Wife you thought of influence, impact and relationships. Both of you had dreams before you married and both of you were very involved in pursuing those dreams. Now you are married but the acceleration towards your personal dreams has not changed nor declined. I read your frustrations and words of anger at each other and, in summary, what you are both saying to each other is, “It’s either my way or hit the highway!” What makes this so sad is that your dreams are one and the same. You’re both saying the same thing you’re just speaking in tongues. Husband you are speaking Manish and Wife you are speaking Womanish.

As much as you have both coloured your words with sentiments of love and commitment, your final actions do not reflect that unity. Wife has already decided she wants what she wants and is asking Husband for spousal support because it will happen whether he is on board or not. Wife states her growth will be of great benefit to the family in the long run but forgets to ask at what cost to the love and to the relationship, which is currently falling apart. Wife currently does not feel safe and secure and she now wants to take her life into her own hands. Too many words have been said to injure her and her walls of self-preservation are up and they will not come down for anything less than an apology or tenderness that does not pursue sex.

Husband says he has investment plans. He has already started purchasing plots and has a personal vision, though it is very commendable, it cannot be cast in stone and only have a spouse ‘invited’ to get on the bus and take a ride to paradise. Even God requires us to partner with Him for our own salvation. Lest we confess and ask Christ into our heart and allow him to lead us down the path of salvation, we cannot be saved. Rescue comes by repentance, repentance means to turn away from a bad deed and change your behaviour in order to change the outcome of your life. Einstein says it best, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” Even in allowing a cure to heal you, one must dedicate their life to changing behaviour and following a Doctor’s prescribed guideline. Yes Husband, as hard as this may seem to you, your vision must be edited so that your Wife will own it. She is your partner and not your passenger.

Wife you hold a grudge like a weapon over your Husband’s head but it is not working for either of you. So try forgiveness and see where it takes you. You will find in forgiving your husband, you too will be liberated from the tentacles of bitterness. Husband, you look down on your wife as if she is a vindictive immature young girl and yet you seek skills of a woman when it comes to sex and intimacy. Remember intimacy is ‘into-me-see’, if you have her misunderstood then how could you grow close? How can you run if you don’t know how to walk? Husband the greatest act of seduction, is for your wife to feel safe and secure in your embrace and in sharing a life with you. Your Wife must know you will be there for her and never desert her. A woman, during the act of sex, opens herself up, like a flower, and allows a man into her. When she feels taken care of and protected, there is nothing she will not try for love’s sake. But frigidity, discomfort and pain during sex, often comes because of hurt, neglect, injury and verbal/physical abuse. Words of love, praise & kindness spoken to a woman are like raindrops in a desert, they bring life to her. Be careful how you use your words Husband. I know when you are wounded your tongue runs ahead of you but try to rein it in and be the master of your own lips. You too Wife, women speak more words than men, so let those words rain life giving waters into your man. Remember, ‘nature abhors a vacuum’; if you don’t speak kind words to your spouse, someone else will and the sweet rains of a stranger’s kind words will move a thirsty heart. Yes, its takes two baby!

Both of you are so hurt and both of you are at fault. Now, let’s stop the running AT each other and the pursuing personal dreams and partner to make a team. You don’t only have children who are growing and cannot wait for you two to work things out, but you both have a covenant that needs to be honoured and also taken care of. Marriage is a living thing that needs to be nurtured for the benefit of all parties concerned. It will take sacrifice! When you both said, ‘I do’, you actually also said, ‘I don’t’ to any individualistic pursuits or activity that doesn’t have the full support of your spouse. Two cannot walk together unless they agree. Both of your selfishness will do no good. Your children will only know what you show; though they are young they are absorbing all your words and body language like a sponge. Their young brains are developing very fast and you are writing information into their system, which will take a psychologist or psychiatrist years to edit. Please open your eyes to the couple you can be after you both lay down your weapons. You are both bleeding emotionally and it’s not just affecting your health but it’s affecting what both of you are claiming to fight for, your marriage.

Now. Here’s a little exercise. Before you say or do anything to your spouse, please ask your self this (taken from 1 Corinthians 13:3-7, The Message) I have simply replaced the word Love with your names. Do you really love? Are you acting in love?

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Husband/Wife never gives up.
Husband/Wife cares more for others than for self.
Husband/Wife doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Husband/Wife doesn’t strut (boast),
Husband/Wife Doesn’t have a swelled head (not proud or stand on only what they believe is right)
Husband/Wife Doesn’t force itself on others,
Husband/Wife Isn’t always “me first,”
Husband/Wife Doesn’t fly off the handle (easily angered),
Husband/Wife Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others (you did this, you betrayed me, you hurt me)
Husband/Wife Doesn’t revel when others grovel (make them beg and feel nothing or good when they do)
Husband/Wife Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Husband/Wife Puts up with anything,
Husband/Wife Trusts God always,
Husband/Wife Always looks for the best,
Husband/Wife Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

If you are not LOVING in a marriage, you are only HATING. Saying, I LOVE YOU, means nothing if it is not backed up with actions of love. Love-making is not possible without acts of love. Love-making is the final product of deeds of love done throughout the day. If you both lay down your wounded pride and choose to just treat each other with kindness, you will go far as a couple. Scripture commands that husbands love their wives as Christ loved the Church, he died for the church (Wife you are very good at using scripture to beat Husband, so don’t use this to have things your way). Scripture also says that the wife ought to submit like the church does to Christ. Love is a two way street, otherwise it’s not love but a parasite and cancer.

Remember if you cannot love each other then you would both be ‘terrible’ parents to your children, and you will make a counsellor very rich in the future and lawyers too. Stop making war and make love by seeking peace and the good of the other. Don’t wait for Husband or Wife to make the first move of love and forgiveness but do it for you and your future. If these lessons are not learned now, you will carry these deadly character traits into every relationship. Change NOW! If you have read this wishing your spouse would understand what is written and not rebuking your own attitude then you have only allowed pride to read this. Read it without thinking about your spouse. Use the words to operate your own heart and character otherwise we will not get anywhere. Even David prayed, “Lord search my heart and if there be an evil way in me lead me into the way everlasting” and Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living”. Examine your own actions and like Shakespeare wrote, “To thine own self be true,” you cannot hide the truth of your own actions from your self. Let love be the motion that drives all your emotions and though your heart is wounded, lead it into healing and into loving.

As we continue this journey to healing. Remember, learn to listen to each other. If you are listening and thinking of what to say next, then you are deaf to what your spouse is saying and you will make no peace or love. If you keep looking for failure or a way to use their words against them, then you are still not listening but seeking ways to injure your spouse. If you cannot wait for them to shut up, then you cannot move forward. The only way forward is for each person to identify their wrong, own it, seek forgiveness and change. As long as you run away from owning mistakes then you will never trust each other and trust is the glue in any relationship. Remember, communication is to all relationships what blood is to human life. Speak to your spouse not the neighbour or the boys at the pub or the ladies in the office. If you must vent, pray. If praying still doesn’t drain the poison then turn to someone who will not take your side but someone who will speak truth to you. Do not speak to family because they may form a negative attitude toward your spouse and there is a high possibility that you will season your story so that you come out as the victim. At best, speaking to a mature spiritual leader or marriage counsellor is the most advisable thing to do. You need someone who will uphold your marriage and support you in honouring your vows. Having too many voices pulling you and your spouse in different directions is dangerous and that is what will happen when you both turn to friends and relatives. Remember if following another’s advice finally breaks your marriage, you are the one who will be left with the pain. Ultimately this is your battle and it is a battle for your heart and soul. No one comes out of a broken marriage unscathed. Remember, after the dust has settled and you finally see your faults, say sorry. Sorry is a great word when it comes from an honest and humble soul. Sorry is the greatest tool of disarmament. It does not make the speaker weak but instead it builds a bridge to reconciliation. Whatever happens do not give up on your marriage.

Continue reading

Too little too late?

If divorce is looking like an option, take a breathe and read this and I hope it will give you a reason to keep your commitment.

Author Unknown

I got home one night and, as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, “I want a divorce.” She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words. Instead, she softly asked me why. I avoided the question, and this made her angry. She threw down the chopsticks and shouted, “You are not a man!” We didn’t talk to each other that night. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage, but I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement stating that she could keep the house, the car, and a 30% share of my company. She glanced at it and tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy, but I could not take back what I had said. She finally cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see in the first place, and the idea of divorce felt more real now.

I got home very late from work the next day, and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have dinner, I just went straight to bed and fell asleep. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but requested that for the next month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month, and she didn’t want to disrupt him with a broken marriage. She also asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day, and requested that I now carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning for the month’s duration. I thought she was going crazy, but to make our last days together bearable. I accepted her odd request.

We were both pretty clumsy about it when I carried her out on the first day, but our son was joyfully clapping his hands behind us, singing, “Daddy is holding mommy in his arms!” His words triggered a sense of pain in me. I carried her from the bedroom to the living room, and then to the door. She closed her eyes and softly said, “Don’t tell our son about the divorce.” I nodded and put her down outside the door.We weren’t as clumsy on the second day. She leaned on my chest, and I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t really looked at this woman for a long time. She was not young anymore. There were fine wrinkles on her face, and her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by, and I suddenly realized that she was getting very thin. One morning it hit me how she was burying so much pain and bitterness in her heart, and without really thinking about it, I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at that moment and said, “Dad, it’s time to carry mom out!” To him, seeing his father carry his mother out had become an essential part of every morning. My wife gestured to our son to come closer, and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might start changing my mind. I carried her in my arms, and her hand naturally wrapped around my neck. I held her body tightly, just like on our wedding day. On the last day, when I held her in my arms, I could hardly move a step. I knew what I had to do.

I drove to Jane’s place, walked upstairs and said, “I’m sorry, Jane, but I do not want to divorce my wife anymore”. It all became very clear to me. I had carried my wife into our home on our wedding day, and I am to hold her “until death do us apart”. I bought a bouquet of flowers for my wife on my way home, and when the salesgirl asked me what to write on the card, I smiled and said, “I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart”. I got home, flowers in my hands, and a big smile on my face. But my wife had died in her sleep while I was away. It turns out that she’d been fighting cancer for a few months now, but I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon, but wanted to save me from a negative reaction from our son (in case we push through with the divorce). In the eyes of our son, at least, I would still appear to have been a loving husband.

I carried her out for the last time…The small details of our lives, that I initially thought were boring and unimportant, are what really matters in a relationship; not the mansion, the car, personal property or the money in the bank. These things may create an environment conducive for happiness, but they cannot provide happiness in-and-of themselves. So find time to be your lover’s friend, and to do those little things for each other that build intimacy.Many people do not realize how close they are to success when they give up.

Being a Hero

Last night whilst coming from recording a show on #k24TV, I met a lady stuck on the road because her car had run out of fuel. My hero complex geared in and I had to help. I stopped my car on the side of the road, switched my hazard lights on and reversed back to her because I had driven away before I saw her with my left side mirror. Got to her, did some mechanic analysis and concluded she needed fuel. So I told her to get into her car, keep her hazards on, keep her doors locked and switch off anything that could drain her battery. I took her cellphone number and promised I would return with fuel.

On my way to looking for a petrol station, I called my brother but he was out of town. He is always the one I call when I am in such a situation and he never fails me. My brother, ever protective, thought it was a plan to rob me, but I believed she was genuine and I knew she would be so crushed if I didn’t keep my word. So after talking with my brother, we decided that I ask someone at the petrol station to go with me.

So I got there and asked. The fuel pump attendant said it would not be possible because they couldn’t leave their station but he asked a security team to take me. So I left my car at the petrol station and three men, who I call angels, took me back to the scene of the dejected with their security truck, I felt so safe and so protected.

We fuelled her car and just then her partner showed up. She had called him earlier before I left for fuel but he asked her, “what do you want me to do?” So of course I gave the man, a mouthful, piece of my mind! The three security men, I traveled to the scene with, hovered around me in protection. The lady’s partner apologised, vehemently and asked me if he could pay for the fuel. I told him I didn’t need to be paid but I would appreciate it, if he made a humble donation to my three angels because they had made it all possible.

For every unhelpful man there are three who will be heroes. This may not be a scientific statement and one event isn’t research or empirical data. But I am grateful that I met those men who helped back up my courage and Good Samaritan world view with security. I thank all the good men out there, who lay down their lives to protect and defend women. I pray for you all and celebrate you today!

I am not ignorant of the fact that this story could have had a sad ending because, ‘the road to hell is often paved with good intentions.‘ And my sharing this story is not pride rearing it’s ugly head but I am grateful that I didn’t wait on a hero but took a risk to be one. I didn’t let fear paralyse my human innate need to help. I guess just like Batman finally got Robin; I too found Hero assistants ready to be the wind beneath my wings.

Humanity is still humane and there are deeds of compassion still happening all over the World despite all the wars and rumours of war that we chant about in every News Bulletin. I hope you will change the narrative of human decay and prove that we still ‘give a damn’ about each other.

Love, laugh and live

It’s amazing how depressed, panicky and desperate we often get thinking about the future. Then it comes and it goes and often we wonder why we worried so much. Why do we forget that all that has a beginning also has an ending. Stop living for the moments that may or may not come, instead savour what is already in your present and in your presence. We often fail to see what we already have and only realise it, when it’s gone. STOP. No more, too little, too late. Love, laugh and live. No matter what aches you have; love, laugh and live. It all goes by too quick. Love, laugh and live. Even if all fails and you stand alone in an empty place. Love, laugh and live! It’s up to you. Love, laugh and live!